Hi there. I'm your toddler, and there's a few things you really need to know about me. Knowing these things will make things better for all of us. Also, please let me have a cookie while you read this.
Parenting Tips for Toddlers:
1. My Brain is a Toddler Too!
You know the part of your brain that is responsible for logical thinking, forming strategies and planning, foreseeing and weighing possible consequences for behavior, and impulse control? That's called the prefrontal cortex, and mine is very underdeveloped! It doesn't even really begin to develop until around age 4, and it won't be mature until I'm in my 20's!
That means I can't possibly be manipulating you when I cry or have strong emotions. Manipulation requires forming strategies and planning. I'm really just having a hard time when I have a tantrum or act aggressively, and what I need is help.
The best way to make sure my prefrontal cortex grows strong is to show me what it looks like to use yours first, because I really like to imitate you, and then, when I'm a little older, help me practice using mine by teaching me ways to calm down, showing me how to empathize, and helping me learn how to problem-solve and think my way through problems. My brain and I will thank you when I grow up!
2. I Am NEEDY!
Related to the aforementioned underdeveloped prefrontal cortex, now you understand that my bedtime shenanigans and toileting woes are really not a master plan to drive you bonkers. Promise. It's just that bedtime isn't as fun as playing with you, and I like my diaper just fine.
Due to the whole wavering ability to foresee and weigh possible consequences and control my impulses, sometimes you might think I'm being naughty. Just try to understand that everything I do is to get a need met, because that's my driving force right now. That only fully developed part of my brain (the brainstem) is all about getting my needs met. So, if you want me to go to bed, let's make a sweet routine, snuggle a bit and I really like it when you rub my back.
Continue reading on next page...
Related Article: Three Things You Didn't Know About Your Child's Brain
3. I Am Whatever You Say I Am!
5. No One is Perfect...
3. I Am Whatever You Say I Am!
My self-concept is being formed right this minute, and right now, I see myself the way you see me. So, if you see me as naughty or bad, that's how I'll see myself. If you see me as kind and wonderful, that's what I'll think about me, too. Oh, and just so you know, I'll always strive to live up (or down) to my self-concept; that's what we humans do. If you want me to be good and kind and caring, catch me being those things and tell me! I like hearing you say nice things about me, and when you see me as a good person, I'll want to behave like one.
4. Be Connected!
I know I'm sending you mixed messages. One minute I want to be independent, the next I want you to carry me forever. Trust me, my connection with you is still the most important thing in my life. So, while I need you to let me safely explore, I also need you to be my safe harbor.
Our attachment affects not just my behavior, but to quote some really smart people, “Researchers have found that attachment patterns established early in life can lead to a number of outcomes. For example, children who are securely attached as infants tend to develop stronger self-esteem and better self-reliance as they grow older. These children also tend to be more independent, perform better in school, have successful social relationships, and experience less depression and anxiety.”
Basically, our relationship and connectedness is setting the standard for how I will build relationships and connect with others my whole life!
Related Article: How Changing My Language Changed My Child's Outlook
5. No One is Perfect...
I don't need you to be perfect. I just need you to be loving and connected. We'll get through this together, you and me. I love you to the moon and back, too, you know. Just see me as a little human being whose needs matter. Nurture me, guide me, and love me unconditionally, because I won't be perfect either, and I'll really need to know that you're my one person who sees my light – the good in me – even when I mess up. I have a lot of things to teach you, too. Let's enjoy our ordinary and extraordinary days together, because I won't be little for very long.
Resources:
http://bridges2understanding.com/maturation-of-the-prefrontal-cortex/
http://www.2knowmyself.com/What_is_self_concept/definition_of_self_concept_perception
http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/attachment01.htm