The benefits of play has been well-documented, but are you aware that play is a powerful parenting tool? We can use play to teach lessons, heal and process emotions, and connect with our children’s hearts. Why is play so effective? Because children are wired to learn this way! Let’s look at how we can use play to accomplish each of the three goals listed.
Teaching Lessons through Play
Role playing, pretend play, and games are fantastic ways to sneak in wonderful lessons with your children. When my sons were small, I created a manners game with two shoeboxes and construction paper stars. One shoebox was labeled “good manners” and the other “bad manners.” On the stars, I wrote various scenes or phrases such as “saying thank you” and “skipping someone in line.” My kiddo would choose which box the stars went in, and he loved to slide the stars into the slots I’d cut into the shoeboxes.
I realized how much my children loved to learn through play when I used this “feed the penguin” game to teach them their alphabet letters. They were engaged and giggling while learning, and it helped them to retain the information. It was a lightbulb moment for me when I saw that I could teach my sons many lessons through play, way beyond math and phonics. I started using sock puppets and role-playing games to teach everything from sitting quietly in restaurants to petting the cats gently. It worked really well!
Healing and Processing Emotions
Researchers have discovered the power of play in helping children who have undergone emotional trauma. A study, conducted by the University of Cincinnati College of Education, Criminal Justice, and Human Services (CECH), studied children ranging in ages from 2 to 10 who were seriously ill. The sick children used play to transform their reality into make believe to help with emotional healing. Through play, they were making sense of what was happening to them, and this provided valuable insight for their caretakers. How they played helped researchers to understand their mental processes. The researchers also had a control group of 6 healthy children aged 6 to 8, but those children’s play lacked the heavy themes that the sick children’s play displayed, leading researchers to believe that the sick children were indeed using play to process their emotions.
In Parenting from the Inside Out, co-author Mary Hartzell, M.Ed. told the story of a child named Annika who came to her nursery school at three years of age. Annika could only speak Finnish as her family had relocated while her father was a visiting lecturer at UCLA. One day, Annika fell down and skinned her knee. She was very upset and cried for her mother. She said, “Usually retelling the story, including both the content and the emotions of the event, greatly helps a child to both understand the experiences and feel the comfort of an empathetic adult,” but since the teacher didn’t speak Finnish and Annika didn’t understand enough English, the teacher used toys and props to retell the story to Annika while they waited for her mother to arrive. Using several dolls and a toy telephone, the teacher retold Annika’s experience, showing one doll falling down and becoming upset and the “teacher doll” using the phone to call the “mama doll.” As she told the story with the props, Annika calmed down and listened intently. When her mother arrived, Annika was eager to use the props to show her mother what had happened. In the book, the authors say, “When children understand what has happened to them and what may happen to them, their distress is greatly reduced.”
We can help our children process difficult emotions around many things, from scary doctor visits to the death of a pet or an argument with a trusted friend, by engaging in play to help them make sense of what happened.
Connecting with Our Children’s Hearts
Play is often the fastest way to connect with our children. By spending quality time playing with them, joining them in their worlds and letting them lead the way, we build strong connections that will ultimately make parenting easier and more enjoyable. When our children are connected heart to heart, they feel secure in our love, and this attachment bond is extremely important for a child’s healthy development. As a bonus, a child who is deeply attached to his or her parent wants to please that person and therefore takes instructions better and is more cooperative. It’s a win-win!
Roughhousing is a great way to build connection and has several benefits as outlined in the book The Art of Roughousing: Good Old-Fashioned Horseplay and Why Every Kid Needs It. The authors claim, “Play—especially active physical play, like roughhousing—makes kids smart, emotionally intelligent, lovable and likable, ethical, physically fit, and joyful.” I would, of course, argue that kids are lovable and likable regardless, but their point is that roughhousing is a way to show friendship and affection, especially for boys.
Any play that includes laughter also builds the relationship. Laughter connects people emotionally, so whatever you play, just be present, have fun, and laugh out loud.