Sheltering in place has added a deluge of roles for parents, which have blurred boundaries that once preserved sanity. Parents have suddenly been thrust into roles like teacher, therapist and social cohort. Meanwhile, parents still have their own list of responsibilities to fulfill.  So how on earth are we to get anything done? 

Truth is, we still need boundaries. Boundaries don’t have to mean rigid inflexibilities we can’t enforce. And while they certainly won’t have the clean definitions once provided to us by the bolstering walls of schools and the support of coaches, we still need structure in our day to help keep us moving. Here are some tips to help create much needed boundaries and preserve sanity.

1. Create a schedule

Formulating a schedule is a lot like interior designing: pick a focal point like a couch and design around it. A good place to start is by asking your child two to three things he’d like to do that day. Then share three things you want to do that day. Design a loose schedule that incorporates these things as best you can, with the understanding that what doesn’t get attended to will be paid attention to the following day.

Today, my daughters wanted to do a STEM candle project by Kiwico, go on a bike ride, and talk to their friends on Zoom.

I, in turn, wanted to clean the living room and their playroom (something I would need their help with), work on taxes and exercise.

After they completed their schoolwork, the first thing we did was get some much-needed air and go for a bike ride. I decided to kill two birds with one stone and make the bike ride my exercise as well. I don’t have a bike, but I ran alongside my kids. It wasn’t exactly the peaceful idyllic jog I had in mind, but I was happy enough to get some exercise in.

Then I helped set up their candle STEM project. I did pull up my computer to do some work, but since this was their allotted time, I didn’t mind when they interrupted me to show me their progress or ask me questions. Having the expectation that this was their time, also helped me to be more patient with them. I also chose to focus on a task that didn’t require my full attention. 

Next up, was mommy’s time to work on taxes. The understanding here is that unless it’s an emergency, they need to leave me alone and do things for themselves as best they could, like get their own water. Whatever questions and needs they may have had, needed to wait until my hour was over. A spontaneous fight did break out but having this understanding has kept the incessant demand for mommy in check.

Dinner was followed by a quick Zoom chat, which was followed by an even shorter cleaning session with the help of my kids, which I write more about below.

As you can see, my day didn’t go according to my aspirational hopes. Not even close. My jog wasn’t peaceful. I was interrupted while working on my taxes to play referee. And only half the living room got cleaned with most of the clutter still strewn about. But we made small progress. The kids did their candle project and they got to chat with some friends. We all got exercise. And I made a slight dent in my taxes. Everyone got a piece of the pie. Nobody was left out. Not least of all mommy.

2. It pays dividends to invest in the kids first

The order of things matters, at least in my family. By filling the kids’ buckets first, I find it better equips them to fill ours. For instance, I decided to do the candle project first before doing my taxes. In attending to my kids’ needs first, I find this leaves them more willing to give me my time and play by themselves.

3. Stick to a consistent mealtime

To preempt a nuclear hangry meltdown, stick to timely meals. While you’re at it, having a loose menu planned out for the week greatly takes the stress out of meal planning as well. 

4. Exercise.

Getting exercise is more challenging than ever. Parks and gyms are closed. There are no extracurricular sports. No P.E. But getting exercise now is more important than ever. Exercise will not only bolster your immune system and provide a first line of defense against all attacks on your body, viral or otherwise. But it will also boost your mood, provide more energy and sharpen your mind.  By incorporating exercise into your day, you are enabling yourself to face the next day with more energy and optimism. Kids need to move around too just as much if not more than you do. Why not do it together? Exercise could be a great way to get some quality time with your child.

5.Get the kids to pitch in with cleaning

With all that’s going on, nobody could judge you for not having an orderly house. I doubt even Martha Stewart’s home looks very Marth Stewart-y right now. But science shows that physical clutter creates mental clutter. Organization is an important part of maintaining boundaries. Just don’t go at it alone. Everyone needs to pitch in. Get your kids involved.

One of my best cleaning techniques to get kids to pitch in is not to overwhelm them. Instead of saying, go clean your room, which is an arbitrary ask, assign a small section to clean, or limit their cleaning time to five minutes. It’s amazing how much cleaning can get done when it’s a concerted effort. Even if my kids are still deep into their cleaning five minutes later, I encourage them to wrap it up. By creating finite limits, I find my kids are more prone to clean the next time around.

6. Read together

If you’re finding homeschooling next to impossible, you’re not alone. So we can’t maximize their learning right now with oral book reports and trips to the virtual museum. But if there’s one thing we can do, I believe is to instill a love of reading. To this end, try positive associations, like cookies and books, or read aloud to your child. Maybe their pace of learning might diminish now that they’re out of the classroom. But if you can instill a love of reading somehow, they’ll more than make up with it in the years to come.Â