My husband and I go to great lengths every year to plan a vacation for our family. We always pick a kid-friendly location, somewhere usually on the beach. We start budgeting a year in advanced, begin creating the itinerary several months ahead and pack as early as a month before the trip. Itâs the event we look forward to most out of the year.
But perhaps even more unpredictable than the weather, the fate of our trips seemed to hinge on the behavior of my children. Would they throw one of their inconsolable tantrums and ruin it for everyone? We wanted so much to show them a good time and make those indelible impressions of laughing, giggling happy children on our memories and on photos, that we were willing to do almost anything. We were at their mercy, really.
But thatâs parenting mistake number one, according to child psychologist Dr. Randy Cale. Here are three parenting mistakes you donât want to make.
Number 1: You try too hard to make them happy
The last thing you want is a meltdown right before getting on their favorite ride at Disney World. But itâs not your job to guarantee their happiness. You canât. Not on your next vacation or in life. Instead, itâs your job to create opportunities for happiness, and let them learn to be patient, handle disagreements with siblings and maintain decorum even when theyâre out of their comfort zone.
So donât make exceptions for bad behavior just because youâre on vacation or out in public. In their state of unhappiness, donât rescue them. They need to learn to rescue themselves. Itâs important, then, to shift your thinking about trips and outings from must-have happy experiences to learning opportunities for good behavior. Having the right expectations will also better equip you deal with difficult situations.
Number 2: You donât set clear expectations in advance
Tell your kids, well in advanced, what is expected of them. Itâs important to explain what you need from them. For example:
- They need to use their words instead of whining
- They canât hit or yell at their siblings
- Their toys are their own responsibilities.
Every family has their own set of rules. Whatever they are, itâs important to lay them out in clear concise terms - in the context of consequences.
Number 3: They call your bluff
Itâs critical you follow through on what you say. You canât teach limits on behavior with empty words. Or they will start to view vacations as a loophole for acceptable bad behavior. If youâre in need of a good disciplinary plan, Dr. Cale recommends the three-strike rule.
The first two offenses result in a five-minute time out where complete silence is observed. Whether this is on a quiet bench or back at your car where your child is free to have his tantrums, your child will be motivated not to misbehave again. If he acts out again after the third strike, return back to the hotel, home, or wherever your base is. As inconvenient as this may seem, youâll be gaining much more in a child who will not likely misbehave in public again.
