Continued...

The Seven Questions

When you have some time without interruptions, answer the following questions on those 14 strips of paper (7 for each of you). Don’t tell your partner what you are writing and be honest and open about your feelings, remembering respect and empathy.

1. I feel that you are a good parent because _______.
2. I feel that my role as a parent is to _______.
3. My parents were _______ and I feel that was _______.
4. Discipline means _______.
5. It’s most important to me for our child to be _______.
6. My goal in raising my child is _____.
7. I think we need to compromise on _______ first. (Your biggest issue.) 

Once you’ve written the answers, share them with each other one at a time. For example, you’ll both lay your first strip of paper on the table with the answer to question 1 and discuss your answers. You’ll then move on to strip 2 and so on.

This exercise should open up a very important dialogue and give you a deeper understanding of your partner’s position. More importantly, you are hopefully both now in a state of willingness to work together, which is the magical effect of showing regard and empathy for one’s story and position. Tackle your biggest issue first in question 7, the one that may be causing resentment or arguments the most. Look for a win-win solution. According to the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey says, “Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all interactions. To accomplish this, each person must be assertive in discussing their needs and wants surrounding the issue and brainstorm ways both people can get their needs met. 

Don’t underestimate your partner’s willingness to participate! He or she may be longing for a solution just as you are. Give it a try! When parents are united, the home is a happy place where your children can thrive.

Rebecca Eanes is the bestselling author of multiple books including Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide, The Positive Parenting Workbook, and The Gift of a Happy Mother. She is the grateful mom of two boys.