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Tip #4: Get Your Partner On Board

This is such a huge subject that I wrote a whole book about it. (Go ahead and pre-order it!) You can’t control your partner either, but you can inspire and influence him/her. Explain the brain science behind your change of parenting, your goals, and your new plan. Make sure your partner understands that this is not permissive parenting (a common worry I hear). Start by having a discussion to answer the following questions (taken from my book, Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide).

1. I feel that my partner is a good parent because____.
2. I feel that my role as a parent is to ___.
3. My parents were ___ and I feel that was ___.
4. It’s most important to me for my child to be ___.

These questions provide a good jumping off point to find your common ground. I recommend posing the question and taking turns answering each one and then letting the conversation flow.

Tip #5: Learn How to Decode Behavior

Understanding what’s driving your child’s behavior is key in coaching her toward improvement. You’ll have to become quite a good detective. We often want to punish children for simple immaturity and childish behavior that we find inconvenient.

While blatant disrespect for people and property should not be tolerated, rowdiness, tears, overwhelming emotions, and poor ability to handle difficult situations don’t need punished so much as they need worked through. Time takes care of many “misbehaviors” because it allows your child’s brain to grow and mature. Example and mentoring take care of the rest.

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