but until you are ready to be vulnerable and authentic, to soften and lean in, it won’t matter who surrounds you. You won’t let them see you until you feel worthy of being seen, and it’s only when you are truly seen that the loneliness goes away and you feel a sense of true belonging.
In truth, ending loneliness is first about self-acceptance. It’s about giving yourself compassion, grace, understanding, and love. Determining that you are, indeed, worthy of such good things is the first step. Whatever you require to attain this, be it counseling or a simple shift in perspective, I encourage you to find your path to self-acceptance. In Daring Greatly, author Brené Brown says, “Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” Loneliness is the result of feeling like we don’t belong, and that feeling is a result of not accepting who we are -our flaws and past mistakes. We are so hard on ourselves because we feel this will motivate us to be better parents and people, but shame is a very poor motivator because it keeps us locked in feeling worthless.
In his article titled The Path to Unconditional Self-Acceptance, Leon F. Seltzer, PhD asserts this: “It's really about coming from a radically different place. If self-acceptance is to be ‘earned,’ a result of working hard on ourselves, then it's conditional--always at risk. The ongoing ‘job’ of accepting ourselves can never be completed.”
Be tender with yourself. You’ve been doing the best you can under the circumstances, really. When you offer yourself unconditional self-love, the wall will come down and all the others who’ve been waiting to love you will rush in and wash away your loneliness.
