Continued...

How to Grow a Human:

Provide the Right Environment

1. Safe for Play:

Set up a “yes” environment by properly child-proofing common areas so that your child can freely and safely explore. Keep it simple, organized, and clutter-free. Intentionally choose play things that are engaging and provide the right amount of challenge. Provide open ended toys and materials so the child can freely create and pretend, and also include sensory items like play dough, paint, and sensory bins.

2. Emotionally Safe:

In an emotionally safe environment, children are both free to express their emotions while being taught how to express them emotionally and are free from emotional assault by parents, siblings, or others by means of shaming, teasing, put-downs, etc. Set firm boundaries on how siblings are allowed to treat each other and don’t wave off teasing and name calling as “normal sibling behavior.”

3. Physically Safe:

Physical discipline is not only unnecessary but often damaging. If you need alternatives, click here.

4. Family Culture:

The home environment should be calm and inviting, so constant tension or stress needs to be addressed and resolved. Create and keep meaningful family traditions and rituals and use positive communication skills.

Give Them the Sun

Your example is their guiding light. The way you manage your emotions, handle disappointment and failure, maintain composure during difficult situations, choose joy, see the positive, and act toward them and others teaches them more than all the lectures they’ll ever hear. 

Affirmation is Like Rain

Best-selling author, L. R. Knost says, “Words of recognition and appreciation to a child are like sunshine and rain to a flower.”

1. Speak words of life to them. Express your belief often that they have an amazing future, and that they are good, kind, and capable.
2. Thank them when they are helpful. Catch them being good and verbalize your appreciation for that.
3. Acknowledge their heart. Show them you know they have good intentions, even if they made a mistake in judgement.
4. Praise them genuinely and specifically.
5. Let them hear you say nice things about them to others.

Unconditional Love is a Breath of Fresh Air

Children need close attachment with us. They need to feel connected. Threatening to withdraw warmth, attention, or presence in the name of discipline causes them to enter a state of unrest. Even though our love is always unconditional, kids don’t perceive it that way if we withdraw from them.

When we can provide rest – a state of knowing they are safe in our love and attachment and that nothing can separate them from our love – they are free to grow. Dr. Gordon Neufeld says, “All growth emanates from a place of rest” and that “children must never work for our love; they must rest in it.” See his full video on this here.

Let’s widen our lens and look at the big picture of parenting so that we can grow a happier, healthier generation of humans.

Rebecca Eanes is the bestselling author of multiple books including Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide, The Positive Parenting Workbook, and The Gift of a Happy Mother. She is the grateful mom of two boys.