How much sleep is your child consistently getting and what changes can you make in your daily routines that allow for more and better sleep? Certainly having a good bedtime routine is going to be helpful, but it’s not that simple. In order to have a bedtime routine, everyone must be freed up by the evening, and of course rehearsals, sporting events and practices, and homework can last well into the night and some schools are starting so early that kids are up by 5:30 in the morning! This is where we need to think about our priorities. Is it worth the lost rest? It could be, but that’s a conscious decision that needs to be made. What accommodations can be made on nights that you’re not busy to make sure your kids get adequate sleep? Here are some tips for a better sleep routine:
As an adult, you need 7-9 hours per night consistently. What are you clocking? Bedtime routines aren’t just for children. You can create a calming bedtime routine for yourself that cues your body and mind to wind down and rest as well.
It’s not just physical rest that’s important, but emotional rest as well. Regardless of emotional sensitivity or personality, all children need emotional rest to grow well. Dr. Gordon Neufeld, a developmental psychologist and founder of The Neufeld Institute, discusses the need for emotional rest in his Relationship Matters course. See a clip here. To summarize, Dr. Neufeld mentions these three ways in which we can provide our children with emotional rest, which you can read in my article Providing Children with Emotional Rest here. A quick summary as that children need closeness rather than separation when we correct them. He says, “When we make them work to earn our approval and positive attention, they cannot rest in the security of unconditional love, and it puts a burden on them to try and keep mom and/or dad close. He says our message should be there is nothing that can separate you from my love.” Secondly, we must provide “more attention than the child asks for. We should always make our children feel significant and worthy of our time. Thirdly is assuming our role as a confident leader as children are not developmentally ready to feel as though they are in the lead, even though they appear to want it sometimes.
The question is then how to build our daily rhythms to provide emotional rest for our kids? Discipline is a generally a routine, whether we intend it to be or not. We will look extensively at rhythms of discipline in the next installment, but I’ll address it briefly here. We often respond to our children’s behaviors and actions in the same way, making it routine. Some have a routine of grounding or taking away privileges, some have a routine or time-outs, but when the routine is punishment, emotional rest is absent. Instead, practice positive discipline techniques like time-in and problem-solving that allow you to work with your child in a nonthreatening way to guide them to toward better behavior and choices. A routine of loving discipline provides emotional rest.
You can also build quality time into your daily routine so that you’re giving your child positive attention each day. Sometimes when children feel a lack of attention, they may ask for it in unfavorable ways to try and get that need met. By proactively meeting their need for loving attention, you will thwart negative attention-seeking behavior.
Finally, just by purposefully creating these rhythms of rest, you’re assuming your role as loving leader and caretaker. Your child will know will rest knowing that you have it under control (even if sometimes you doubt that you do). The key is to not show that you are too easily ruffled or overturned but that you are steady, dependable, and capable. When you build physical rest as well as emotional rest into your family culture, your kids will thrive and reap the benefits, and your home will be more joyful as a result.
