Be involved in groups.
There’s a reason that isolation is used as a punishment for terrible crimes. We need social contact with people to thrive, and preferably people that don’t poop their pants. We need to belong. The wise Brene Brown tells us, “A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we are meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.” So, even if being part of an online group is all you can manage right now, do it. Find a group of people with the same interests as you and jump in. If you can meet up with a group outside the house, better! Go out for a cooking class or some hot yoga, whatever tickles your fancy. Just find other adult humans and interact with them regularly!
Be creative with self-care.
Re-imagine what self-care looks like. A spa day would be fantastic, but maybe that’s not feasible right now. Instead of saying “oh well,” look for other creative ways to spoil yourself a little. I used to have unrealistic expectations surrounding self-care that made me abandon it altogether for a while. I didn’t have time to “sleep when the baby slept” or the energy to read a novel or crochet a blanket after the kids went to bed. Luckily, you get to define what self-care means for you. It doesn’t have to look a certain way or be a certain length of time to count. If it rejuvenates you, you’re winning! You get 168 hours every week. Use a couple of them to take care of you.
Tend your close relationships.
Allow me to be very cliche and use a gardening metaphor here. You know what happens when you don’t tend to your garden, right? Weeds take over. Bugs eat it up. Your plants die. But with a little care each day, your little garden will thrive. Same thing with relationships. If you want a strong marriage, you can’t put that relationship on the back burner. The people that you still hope to be in your life when the kids go to bed or go to college? Those people need your attention today. I know that sounds exhausting because your kids also need your attention 27 hours a day, but even 10 minutes can make a huge difference. Pull a few weeds a day. That’s all you have to do.
I know the days when the kids will be grown are hard to see right now. And I know that finding the time to do the things you enjoy is challenging, and wearing all the hats is tiring. Your kids come first, and that’s how it should be, but you matter, too. Don’t forget that. You are so much more than a “mom.” Embrace all that you are and let your kids see that so they will know how to embrace all that they are as well.
