Every parent wants their child to live a fulfilling and accomplished life. But unlike a Christmas present, this isn’t something we can gift them; they have to create it for themselves. So how do we help our children believe in themselves and pursue something they want to accomplish? It all begins with goal-setting.

Inside each child is a passion waiting to be discovered and supported. If your child seems unmotivated, it could be because your goals for her are supercedeing their own. If a child is being pushed to play soccer, for instance, but her heart is more into art, it’s unlikely that child will seem motivated. I am stealing this for instance from my very own life.

My child showed no interest in sports. I wanted her to stay active and play baseball, soccer or volleyball. I offered to sign her up for dance lessons, gymnastics even. Tennis anyone? Though I championed the sports I thought might give her a shot at free college tuition (truth be told), she wasn’t interested in any of them. While most kids might acquiesce at that young age, her strong-willed nature showed no bending or compromise. She whined through soccer practice. She whined after practice. She whined enough to exhaust me from signing her up again, not just from soccer, but from anything she didn’t show interest in.

Then I asked her to create goals of her own and it opened up a window into her soul. In so doing, I discovered what she truly loved: art. She even came up with her own goals on how to become a better artist: complete at least one drawing or painting a day, take up art lessons, stop asking her older sister to draw for her, stop comparing her drawings with her older sister’s drawings, say only positive things about her drawings and never say, ‘I can’t do it.’