We are sick or achy or hormonal. We are good people who are trying hard and who occasionally mess up. We tend to look at the reasons behind our own behavior and give ourselves a little grace for making mistakes. But when our kids do it, we don’t look at the reasons behind it. We see them as bratty or naughty, and we skip straight to correction. It’s okay for us to be human, but we expect better of our kids, and that’s not fair.
If I can’t keep my temper in check at all times, I don’t expect my children to have perfect emotional control. If I can’t watch my tone and speak with a kind voice always, how can I expect my little ones to manage this? We expect these little children with their underdeveloped brains and limited life experiences to behave better than grown men and women, and if you don’t believe me, listen to the next presidential debate or spend some time scrolling your social media newsfeeds.
I’m in full support of high standards. I think we ought to expect our children to kind, thoughtful, and well-mannered. I think we ought to live up to our own expectations, too. I also know that I am flawed. I am an imperfect human that messes up despite my best efforts, and I know that my little imperfect humans are going to mess up, too. That doesn’t make their poor choices “okay,” but it makes them understandable and gives us all a chance to grow and improve. Sometimes correction is absolutely necessary to be sure. And sometimes we just need a little grace.
