It’s tough. In the busyness of modern life, it isn’t easy to carve out one on one time with your child, unless you count the million car trips per week where you’re hustling to get somewhere. (Spoiler: That probably doesn’t count.) And if you have multiple children? Well, while you’re being a superhuman, fly me over a latte.

Goodness knows you don’t need another thing to add to your plate, but being intentional about spending quality time with your kids individually will really pay off. 

Following World War II, scientists in the UK began surveying every woman who gave birth over a one-week period in 1946. This resulted in roughly 14,000 questionnaires about every aspect of birth in Britain. This was repeated again a generation later, and this continued until they had collected surveys on 70,000 children over a 70-year time period. This became the longest-running study of human development in the world, growing to encompass five generations of children. 

In her book, The Life Project, Helen Pearson breaks down the results from this massive study and came up with some powerful conclusions about parenting. She lists a range of parental behaviors that the studies have associated with good outcomes, and the good news is that they’re not that complicated!

  • Being emotionally warm.
  • Taking them on excursions.
  • Reading to them daily.
  • Talking to and listening to them.

These seem pretty basic and obvious, but I know, for me, between work, band activities, theater activities, household duties, and general errands, finding time to sit down and read or have meaningful conversation doesn’t just happen without serious intention. I suspect that I’m not the only parent who finds it difficult to make time for quality time. This is where it’s important to point out that quality matters over quantity. In fact, Melissa Milkie, a sociologist at the University of Toronto says, “I could literally show you 20 charts, and 19 of them would show no relationship between the amount of parents’ time and children’s outcomes. .?.?. Nada. Zippo.”

So, blocking off an hour every day to sit anxiously with your kid so you can check off the “spent time with my child” box is not as beneficial as 10 minutes of warmth and listening. It’s not how long you show up but simply how you show up, and now we can all collectively exhale a sigh of relief. This, we can do.

Simple and quick ways to rock quality time:

  • Choose a good novel, and read a chapter or two together every evening. 
  • Embrace that car ride to practice by turning off the music and turning up the conversation. Nothing heavy though. Start by talking about their interests.
  • Turn up the mushy love stuff. Give extra cuddles and forehead kisses. Tell them you love them a few more times a day. Point out things they’re doing well. Tell them positive affirmations more frequently, such as “I’m so glad I’m your mom.” Plenty of studies have shown the importance of parental warmth!
  • Laugh and be silly together. I know it’s difficult to be cheerful when you’re stressed, but if you can find ways to manage your own stress levels and become more playful, you and your child will reap the benefits.

But, let’s say, you do find an extra hour this week and you want to do something special with your kiddo. Here are 15 parent-child date ideas!

  1. Going out for ice-cream or dessert is so much fun, but with COVID-19 still raging, perhaps a safer option is to pick up sundae ingredients from the store and make them together in your kitchen. Setting up your own sundae bar is a super cool way to spend an evening, after all.
  2. Take a walk or hike together. Nothing is as soothing to the soul as time in nature.
  3. Tackle a project, like building a big LEGO set together or putting together a puzzle.
  4. Make pottery! As it turns out, pottery making comes with it’s own benefits, such as tactile gratification, self-expression, and releasing negative emotions!
  5. Head to a local lake for a bit of fishing and duck feeding. 
  6. Take an arts and crafts class with your kid. It’s a great bonding experience and you’ll both learn some new skills!
  7. Visit a local coffee shop. Perhaps a white chocolate mocha for you and a hot cocoa for your little one? The atmosphere of coffee shops is the perfect place for quiet, intimate conversation.
  8. Surprise her by taking her out for breakfast. Pancakes, anyone?
  9. Visit your local shelter and play with the animals. The cats and dogs would love the attention!
  10. Visit thrift stores or antique shops and pick out a special treasure.
  11. Have a spa day! Manicures, pedicures, and hair - oh my!
  12. Attend a play or live performance.
  13. Visit a local museum, zoo, aquarium, or planetarium! 
  14. Head to your local bakery and pick out some delicious treats. Then go to the park to eat them.
  15. Take your child to a place that was important to you in your childhood.