I realized I was spending a lot of time focusing on what my kids couldn’t yet do or what I hadn’t yet accomplished and this left me feeling like I was always behind and trying to race to the next milestone or achievement. Of course, the problem with constantly looking ahead is that you miss the great stuff happening in the now, which is exactly what was happening. I knew if I continued this, it would lead to regret. So, I decided to change one thing.
I started focusing my attention on the positives. I thought about what my kids could do and how much they’ve grown and matured. I looked at their good traits and complimented them more on what I saw. I looked at what I have accomplished and realized how far I’d come. I paid more attention to the miracle moments. I started a “happy thoughts journal” where I wrote things that I was grateful for, good things that had happened that day, positive thoughts about the future, something good about my kids, happy quotes I liked, and so on. I started my 10 minutes of joy practice. And because energy flows where your attention goes, I felt happier and more good things started happening (or at least I noticed them more).
I’m not at all Pollyannish. I fully acknowledge that parenthood brings exhaustion, worry, fear, sleepless nights, hurt feelings, broken hearts, messes everywhere, anxiety, and more. But it also brings laughter, smiles, hugs, tiny hands in mine, arms around my neck, the sweet rhythmic breathing of a child sleeping next to me, mornings that start with “good morning, Mommy,” love notes, stick people drawings, sticky kisses, healing, and love. So much love. My happiness (and yours) is largely dependent on which of those I choose to focus on.
It’s not easy now and it will never be easy, but it’s still really, really good.
